Two Years in the Morning

I wake by the sea, snug in my bed, a little blond babe wrapped round me. Him snuggled up close, breathing soft. Wake up remembering morning two years ago, just stitched back together. After being layed open to snatch his tiny life from my body bleeding. After lying falling apart, numb and the blood pouring. After lying helpless arms strapped down, not hearing anything.  Silence like death and my mind racing.  No.  NO.    No.    NOT AGAIN.  God what are you doing?  God GIVE him to me.  Keep him here with us. PLEASE JESUS . . . PLEASE . . . Oh God Help us

And then the air rips open alive with his cry. A cry all pink and promise and he is here and then I am afraid I will be leaving him. They hold his pink face to mine and I see his nose, his eyes blink and then the room swims. They tell me it’s ok but I can see in their faces – it’s not. And they pull it all out of me, the wound leaking life. I can feel them inside, wiping away the memory of a womb trying two years to bring life. Pumping drugs in and I accept humbly my weakness and the ways we must fight to walk in this world. They subdue the darkness with white coats, calm smiles and strength. On the edge of life and death, God was in that place. And now this morning soaking in all that is sweet and good, we are awash in Him. We hold two years of smiles and love. We revel in blond hair soft. These mornings marking each year, it all comes back and I marvel at the miracle of playing in sand and eating breakfast – Together.  Together as the sun breaks day.  730 days since we met, helpless as babes, clinging to eachother for dear life.

9-7-12 . 28mm . dawn on Jeremiah Asher’s 2nd birthday . the night before posted here